Grandparents refuse to let 18-year-old granddaughter use their shower before prom, daughter-in-law refuses to visit them any more: 'They have 4 full bathrooms'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 27, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Preferential treatment is something that happens in almost every family. A large number of people have favorite kids, parents, and grandkids, and it blatantly shows in the different ways that they treat them. It isn't right, but that doesn't stop it from happening. In fact, sometimes this only encourages it.

It goes without saying that being the relative or side of the family that isn't in the good graces of other family members can be a tough pill to swallow, not least when it is for reasons that are either mysterious or totally illegitimate. 

When this is a pattern of behavior that they begin to suffer from, it is not uncommon for some backlash to be experienced. Giving to someone on the grounds that they are family and not getting anything back can become tiring and upsetting, and sometimes, the best thing to do in this situation is to reduce or cut contact.

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  • 01

    AIO for refusing to visit my in-laws after they wouldn't let my daughter use their shower?

    My family does not currently have a shower as we are renovating our bathroom, and last week my daughter asked if she could use her grandparents' (my husband's parents') shower and get ready in their house before her school prom on Friday. She promised to stay out of the way, be tidy, clean up after herself, and be quick. We expected them to be fine with this, as they have 4 full bathrooms in their house. However, they refused to allow her to come over. Although we were a little hurt, we accepted
    via Downtown_Aardvark802
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10522519040
    via Shane Ryan Herilalaina

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is how one mom felt after her in-laws refused what she felt was a reasonable request by her teenage daughter. Their only bathroom was being renovated, so she requested to use one of the four at her grandparents' house to take a shower before her prom.

    They decided against it, which the mom felt was the latest insult in a long line of unacceptable behavior they had displayed to their side of the family, despite them being willing to do favors for them. When they threw a family party shortly afterwards, they didn't invite them.

    As a result, she decided that she no longer wanted her family to visit her in-laws. However, she wasn't sure if she was taking things too far.

  • 03
    We saw this as just one more instance of a pattern in how my husband's side of the family treat us and our children. Despite the fact that, as should be normal for relatives, we have always been happy to babysit or take their kids for days out, cook meals for them, help tidy and clean their houses, lend money, give favours, invite them out, etc, they have never done any of these things for us (but do for everyone else and even non-related family friends). We are often invited last minute or not
    via Downtown_Aardvark802
  • 04
    We are sick of being treated differently by his side, and the in-laws refusing to let their own granddaughter use their shower to get ready for her prom just seemed to be the icing on the cake. She keeps telling her dad and I that we are overreacting and she didn't mind about the shower. But are me and my husband overreacting about this? Should we just forget it?
    via Downtown_Aardvark802
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    via kevin Baquerizo
  • 06

    People reassured her that her reaction was valid.

    Capital_Wrongdoer_90 Prom? Wedding? Funeral? I'd let any of my friends/ family,neighbors, coworkers use not only my bathroom but house !! I'd never talk to my parents again if they did this.
    via chez2202
  • 07
    Just tell anyone who asks you for a favour that you aren't available. No excuse required. Just a straight up no. They will probably realise at some point that their son, you, and your children aren't around. That's when you just say that you are quite happy to continue the way that you are and you are enjoying your independence. Then tell the miserable creatures to enjoy their future nursing home.
    via chez2202
  • 08
    Capital_Wrongdoer_90 Prom? Wedding? Funeral? I'd let any of my friends/ family,neighbors, coworkers use not only my bathroom but house !! I'd never talk to my parents again if they did this.
    via Capital_Wrongdoer_90
  • 09
    Enjoying TheRide-0606 Unfortunately it sounds racially motivated. That's really sad. I was about to ask if your husband's family had any trauma or dysfunctions when he was young. Because my family did, my brother and I were victims of a pedo my stepmom allowed to live in our home. Her own daughter was protected. As adults, I was rarely invited to family events. At first I figured it was because I worked in restaurants, thus unavailable. Then I quit and went to school but they still "forgot" or t
    via EnjoyingTheRide-0606
  • 10
    Square-Swan2800 I am White and knew immediately what this was. Here is how you deal with them. You don't. Just assume they all got lost at sea and you carry on. No texts, no b'day wishes, no holiday greetings, nothing...absolutely nothing. Your life, the lives of your children, are too precious to waste one minute trying to figure out stupidity. Assume being around them gives you hives and you don't have any meds to counteract that.
    via Square-Swan2800
  • 11
    Rawrohsaur Not overreacting. This sounds like a thing you've dealt with, feeling treated differently, since you and your husband have been together. And now you're noticing they're treating your children differently too. One of those things you ignore for yourselves but once it affects your kids, you're done. I don't blame you for taking space. Your husband needs to confront them. They're treating his family differently than their other children's families. Why? I hope you find answers that give
    via Rawrohsaur
  • 12
    Gold_Adhesiveness_80 They didn't let their granddaughter SHOWER at their house?!?! . I would go no contact with them forever. Who needs enemies with family members like this? NOR.
    via Gold_Adhesiveness_80
  • 13
    BecGeoMom In a house with four full bathrooms and on the day of her senior prom! What a hateful, mean thing to do to someone, especially your own flesh and bld, your grandchild. OP's husband seems to have turned out to be a good, non-r cist person despite how he was raised. I would have no problem cutting people like that out of my life.
    via BecGeoMom
  • 14
    fishwhisper22 My parents would jump over backwards for my kids for anything they wanted or needed. My parents would have already told us to come over to shower anytime if they knew we didn't have showers, we wouldn't of had to ask.
    via fishwhisper22
  • 15
    BecGeoMom Same here. Both my parents and my husband's parents. People can be real sometimes. Make that a lot of times. The number of stories I read on here of horrible parents, horrible in-laws, horrible family members is just mind-blowing to me.
    via BecGeoMom
  • 16
    christinisamathnerd1 Nor protect your children from these people. Family is more than simply who you share a bloodline with. The in laws are not your family. They are your relatives. Those who love you and love your children with open arms and open hearts, they are your family whether you are related or not.
    via christinisamathnerd1
  • 17
    MaeSilver909 NOR. Give yourself permission to go no contact with in-laws & not feel guilty about it. You are being treated differently & you shouldn't be. Shame on the in-laws & the whole lot of them.
    via MaeSilver909
  • 18
    Wrex_Soul64 I would be ashamed to have parents like that. 100% no contact ever again.
    via Wrex_Soul64
  • 19
    Nor groovymama98 I learned through trial and error that reciprocity matters. It is a clear indication of the true feelings of others for you. You can chase people till the end of time, but they'll never care for you the way you want. Treasure the ones who do. Reciprocity. You'll have better peace of mind.
    via groovymama98
  • 20
    Aggressive-fairy-82 You are not overreacting. I would just say the shower is what I like to call "the air that broke the camels back". People can only treat you badly, if you allow them. I know it hurts and it sks but don't have any contact with them if they genuinely treat you so differently from everyone else. And.. why would you even want to be around them if they're so blatantly to you guys? Have you asked them why? Have you called them out on it... with ironclad examples? Although, if it is
    via Aggressive-fairy-82
  • 21
    Icklebunnykins No, underreacting. I'd go NC as they need you more than them. I would, for peace of mind, block them for a few weeks to get body and soul together and unblock and see if they do make contact. If they do go around with a list of questions and ask them outright are they treating you differently because of your colour. When they deny it then bring up the above, how others don't have to ask to visit etc. It won't be pleasant but unfortunately we can't choose our family. Good luck
    via Icklebunnykins
  • 22
    Character-Tennis-241 I'd go permanently NC for all of the combined mistreatment. Their type of hate and negativity shouldn't be in your lives.
    via Character-Tennis-241
  • 23
    Vivid-Farm6291 They totally don't like your family. I truly hope you cut contact because this is awful behaviour. How sweet is your daughter to be forgiving to the grandparents that I bet have slighted her personally all her life. Go NC and stop helping people who don't return the favour. I know people say you shouldn't keep tabs and expect favours because you help family. HOWEVER being used and discarded is absolutely not acceptable. Don't let your children think this behaviour is how family tr
    via Vivid-Farm6291
  • 24
    eccatameccata I can't even read this anymore. I am so angry that you have let his parents treat your daughter with so little respect. You need to block them from your lives. You are under-reacting.
    via eccatameccata
  • 25
    Vicious 133 I would just go NC from now on. They've made their choice they treat you unfairly and don't care about you and your daughter. Don't waste any more time money or anything on them. Just live your life without them. Protect your peace not theirs!
    via Vicious133
  • 26
    Quiet-Hamster6509 YNO but to be honest, I just wouldn't reach out to them anymore or do any favours. Match that energy, you dont need to be r de about it but just a simple - Sorry, we can't help with this.
    via Quiet-Hamster6509

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